The day he hit me didn’t start with anger. It started like any other day quiet tension dressed up as normal, words walking on eggshells, me shrinking just enough to keep the peace alive. I remember the room. How still it felt right before everything broke. And when it happened it wasn’t just my skin…

You stand there not broken, not whole, just.. suspended Still. Like life pressed pause without asking you first. There’s a list somewhere there’s always a list of things you should be doing, calls you should make, plans you should follow, feelings you should have figured out by now. But your mind? It’s loud and empty…

You don’t even call him yours not out loud. Not to your friends, not in your phone, not even in your prayers. But somehow he still found a way to live in the spaces between your responsibilities between school, between shifts, between packing lunches and being fully available whereever your needed. He fits where he…

I think about him sometimes not a face, not a name, just a feeling that never found me. Like a song I somehow already know the words to, but its never been played out loud. I imagine he would’ve noticed the small things like the way I carry everything at once like I was built…

I carried more than a child I carried timing that never made sense a body already tired a heart already stretched thin five little voices calling “mom” while one quiet heartbeat whispered what about me? I carried guilt in my bloodstream it pulsed louder than fear louder than logic louder than the voices that said…

What is this feeling? I never knew I would feel anything again, I isolated myself to focus on the trauma dealt before you, I was HEALING! You came along, and I just knew you were another man who wanted me to hurt. I just knew, you wanted to use and abuse me to get what…

You ever meet somebody and your soul don’t knock it just walk in like it live there? That’s you. It wasn’t loud. Wasn’t fireworks. It was recognition. Like… “Oh. There you are.” Like we been circling lifetimes just to crash into each other at the right wrong time. You feel familiar. Not just in my…

You don’t even realize how loud your silence is. How I can feel your mood before you text it. How I know when it’s “one of those days” without you ever explaining. You say you don’t know what’s wrong sometimes. But I feel it. Like static in the air. Like pressure before a storm. And…

Here we go, back down this road. Looking for a different outcome, a different answer, a different response of what’s yet to be told. How did we end up back here? Back to the place of uncertainty, the uneasiness, the place of fear? We’ve come so far from the past mistakes, just to come back…

It’s time to say goodbye. Goodbye to my once lover, but also my best friend. I never would have thought our love or friendship would come to an abrupt and brutal end. But I release you. I release the thought of you.  I release the energy you consumed. I release any and every memory we…