To My Firstborn, Maleeyah 🤍
October 16th.
Before I ever knew your name,
Before I ever saw your face,
I was fighting battles in silence,
Trying so hard to find my place.
There was a time I almost gave up,
When life felt heavier than I knew how to carry.
I was hurting in ways I could not explain.
And then God gave me you,
A love I never knew was there.
You were growing inside of me,
But Lee, I was growing too.
While I was carrying you,
You were helping carry me through.
I was learning how to live again
While learning how to love you.
I did not know it then,
But your life would become home to my healing.
And here we are, twelve years later.
Every year, as your birthday gets closer,
I find myself getting emotional.
Every year, I cry.
And every year, I try to find the words
To explain something you’ll probably never fully understand. But I hope you can try.
Maleeyah Amora, you saved my life.
You don’t realize it,
But I truly believe I wouldn’t be here today
If it wasn’t for you.
You became my reason to keep going,
My reason to keep believing,
And my reason to keep choosing life
Even on the days when it felt hard.
You did not know the pain I was carrying.
You didn’t know mommy’s struggles,
Or the battles I fought.
Or the strength it took for me to keep going.
You only knew me as Mommy.
And that title changed everything.
But becoming your mother gave me a reason to keep believing.
A reason to keep choosing life.
A reason to wake up and try again,
Even on the days when trying felt impossible.
You gave my life a purpose nothing could take away.
That something was you.
We have grown together.
While I was teaching you about life.
You were teaching me how to live it.
You got the youngest version of me.
The version still trying to figure things out.
The version still healing.
The version who made mistakes,
Who did not always have the answers,
And who was still learning how to become the woman and mother she wanted to be.
But through every season,
Through every mistake,
Through every difficult day,
I loved you with everything in me.
And now I look at you,
My forever girl turning twelve,
And I cannot believe how much time has passed.
I see the little girl you were.
I see the young woman you are becoming.
And I see every version of you, that I have been blessed to love along the way.
I am so proud of your heart,
Your mind, your kindness, your strength,
Your personality, and the way you are finding your voice. I am proud of the way you are becoming your own person.
I hope you always remember your worth.
I hope you never lose yourself trying to be loved.
I hope you never change who you are just to be accepted.
I hope you chase every dream God places in your heart. And trust the gifts He gave you.
Never let this world make you feel small.
Because you are somebody, Maleeyah.
You are loved.
You are beautiful.
You are worthy.
You are strong.
You have always been enough.
For your birthday, I got you something special.
It may look like just a necklace,
But it carries something I could never put a price on.
It carries a little piece of my heart.
Our time when it was just us.
It holds the laughter, tears, lessons, growth, and love.
It represents a bond that nothing in this world could ever break.
There will be moments in your life
When Mommy cannot physically be there.
Moments when I cannot hold your hand,
Or remind you that everything will be okay.
And when those moments come,
I hope you reach for this necklace.
Hold it close to your heart
And remember that you are never truly alone.
My love will always be with you,
Even when I cannot be standing beside you.
I hope it brings you peace.
I hope it reminds you of your strength
When you forget how strong you are.
I hope it reminds you of everything you have already overcome, and gives you courage for everything still ahead.
Most importantly,
I hope it brings you home.
Not only home to me,
But home to yourself.
Home to your confidence.
Home to your courage.
Home to your kindness.
Home to the light, strength, and goodness
That make you who you are.
And when you forget how special you are,
I hope you hold it and remember everything Mommy has always seen in you.
I see the beautiful person you are,
Even on the days when you cannot see her for yourself.
One day, you will be grown
And living a life of your own.
You will make your own choices,
Follow your own dreams,
And create a world beyond the one I built for you.
But no matter where life takes you,
No matter how far away you go,
You will always be my firstborn,
My answered prayer,
And my heart.
So when October 16 comes around
And you see tears falling from my eyes,
Please know they are tears of gratitude.
Gratitude for the gift of knowing you.
Gratitude for the privilege of raising you.
Gratitude for every lesson you have taught me.
Gratitude that I get to be your mother.
Twelve years ago, I became your mommy.
But you also helped me become a better version of myself. You gave me a reason to heal.
A reason to hope.
A reason to believe that life could still become beautiful.
If I could speak to my younger self,
I would tell her to hold on.
I would tell her that one day
She would have a daughter named Maleeyah Amora,
And that daughter would help her understand
Why her story was not over.
I gave you life, my forever girl,
But you gave mine a deeper purpose.
You became the reason I fought to remain in it.
And loving you taught me that healing does not happen all at once.
Sometimes healing looks like waking up.
Trying again.
Choosing love.
Choosing hope.
Choosing life one day at a time.
And I will spend the rest of my life
Being grateful that I get to be your mommy.
Happy 12th birthday.
And I hope you know that I will love you through every season, across every distance,
For every moment of my life.
Love always,
Mommy 🤍
