You stand there
not broken,
not whole,
just.. suspended
Still.
Like life pressed pause
without asking you first.
There’s a list somewhere
there’s always a list
of things you should be doing,
calls you should make,
plans you should follow,
feelings you should have figured out by now.
But your mind?
It’s loud
and empty
at the same time.
And your body keeps moving
because it has to.
Kids still need you.
Life still calls your name.
Responsbilities dont care
that your spirit is sitting down somewhere
refusing to move.
So you perform.
You smile in pieces.
Answer in fragments.
You show up just enough
to not be or feel questioned.
But inside
your asking yourself
the same quiet question
Over and over again.
What now?
Not the big, pretty future
Not the five year plan.
Just
What NOW?
Do you stay?
Do you leave?
Do you fight?
Do you let go?
Do you heal?
Do you numb it?
Do you rest?
or is resting just another way
of falling behind?
Nobody teaches you this part.
The in-between.
The not-knowing.
The standing at a crossroads
with no signs
no maps,
just intuition you don’t fully trust yet.
So what do you do?
When you don’t know what to do?
You breathe,
even when it feels pointless.
You take the small step,
even if it leads you nowhere
you can’t see yet.
You choose not to destroy yourself
just because you dont have the answers.
You sit in it
the discomfort,
the silence,
the unfamiliar version of you
that’s still becoming.
Because maybe this isn’t confusion
Maybe this is the moment
before the clarity.
Maybe this is what growth feels like
when it hasn’t introduced itself yet.
So dont rush.
Dont force
Just stay..
Right here,
In the unknown.
Trusting that eventually
softly, quietly
your next step
will find you.
Ashley Monae 